How Do You Fight Your Evil Bad Guy?
by nightwalker3
Summary: You know those old Reese's Peanut Butter Cup commercials, where they showed how different people ate their Reese's? Well, this is like that. Only with the YYH boys. And no peanut butter cups.


You know those old Reese's Peanut Butter Cup commercials, where they showed how different people ate their Reese's? Well, this is like that. Only with the YYH boys. And no peanut butter cups.

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**How Do _You_ Fight Your Evil Bad Guy?**

**

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****Kurama vs Big Bad Guy**

Kurama: "Even though I am a capable and competent fighter with more than one thousand years of experience and a varied range of supernatural abilities, I plan to stand here and suffer your abuse so as to get an understanding of your technique and emotional motivation."

Bad Guy: "I'm cool with that." (beats on Kurama in a rather brutal fashion. Blood is flung copiously around the arena. Possibly his mother is insulted)

Kurama: "I now have a deep understanding of how your powers work and I will now launch a much anticipated counter-attack."

Bad Guy: "Oh yeah?"

Kurama: "Would you like a pretty flower?"

Bad Guy: "You are such a frickin' pussy-"

Flower: (eats Bad Guy)

**Round Two: Kurama vs Super Bad Guy**

Kurama: "Even though I am a capable and competent fighter with more than one thousand years of experience and a varied range of supernatural powers, not to mention being half dead from my last match, I still plan to let you get the upper hand so I can evaluate your fighting style and come to a better understanding of you as an opponent."

Super Bad Guy: "I'm cool with that."

**sidelines **

Yuusuke: looks at Kuwabara, looks at Kurama "Dude..."

Kuwabara: "What?"

Yuusuke: "I'm just thinking of all those times in junior high when you used to provoke me into beating the shit out of you. That's kind of weird."

Kuwabara: "What?"

**back in the arena**

Super Bad Guy: (is beating the crap out of Kurama)

Kurama: (looks like a rather attractive corpse) "I have come to an understanding of your motivation. Would you like a pretty flower?"

Super Bad Guy: "I saw the last match you know."

Kurama: "Well then, we'll do this the hard way." (launches short but impressive counter-attack that inevitably ends up with the bad guy being eaten by/encased in/turned into a horrific demon world plant. Pulsating root systems and oddly fleshy leaves are likely involved.)

Super Bad Guy: "Damnit."

**Sidelines**

Yuusuke: "Is it some kind of weird psychological thing? Some kind of passive aggressive personality disorder?"

Kuwabara: "What are you _on_ about?"

**Yuusuke vs Bad Guy**

Bad Guy: "I am obviously evil! I eat babies! RAWR!"

Yuusuke: "Whoo! Mindless violence! Hit it!" (beats the everloving daylights out of bad guy)

Bad Guy: "I am totally stunned to find myself defeated by a punk kid." (dies)

**Yuusuke vs Super Bad Guy**

Yuusuke: "BRING IT ON!"

Super Bad Guy: "I am conflicted! My motivations are evil, yet sympathetic! I'm actually a human!"

Yuusuke: "aww, suck. I can't fight you! Even though you plan to destroy the world and have already killed several people, I can't compromise my own humanity by killing you."

Super Bad Guy: "That's what you think."

**sidelines**

Kurama: "Brace yourself, Kuwabara."

Kuwabara: "Why does it have to be _me?_"

**back in the arena**

Super Bad Guy: "If you won't fight me willingly, I shall force your hand! Mwahahaha! Watch while I threaten your girlfriend and torture your best friend to death."

Yuusuke: "Hey!"

Super Bad Guy: (proceeds to batter Kuwabara in a blatantly one-sided attack)

Kurama: "Oh no! Krillin - I mean, _Kuwabara_ is dead!"

Kuwabara: "What? I am not. He didn't even hit anything vital."

Kurama: "Shh! Yuusuke needs motivation."

Kuwabara: "... right. Oh, god! I am dying! Avenge me, Urameshi, you ass." (flops over dramatically)

Yuusuke: (flips his shit, goes Super Saijyin, annihilates Super Bad Guy spectacularly.)

Super Bad Guy: "That's what I'm talking about, bitch. Thanks for killing me. Turns out I have a death wish, but I'm too passive-aggressive to kill myself." (dies dramatically)

Yuusuke: "I have won the battle, but lost my best friend. Woe, I suck."

Kuwabara: "Not dead! HA!"

Yuusuke: "Come here so I can kill you."

**Hiei vs Bad Guy**

Bad Guy: "I will kill you and eat your-" (keels over dead)

Hiei: (wipes blood off his blade)

Everyone else: "When the hell did you even move?!"

**Hiei vs Super Bad Guy**

Super Bad Guy: "I will kill you and eat your-"

Hiei: (attacks with swords)

Super Bad Guy: "Nyah, nyah. Invulnerable skin!"

Hiei: (sets Super Bad Guy on fire)

Super Bad Guy: "Nyah, nyah. Fire can't hurt me."

Hiei: (narrows eyes. Looks pissy)

Super Bad Guy: "You know, you and I are a lot alike. We're both evil, we're both scary, we're both misunderstood by our allies-"

Hiei: (Unleashes Black Dragon)

Black Dragon: (eats Super Bad Guy. Belches)

Hiei: "Evil, my ass." (collapses manfully)

Kurama: (sighs) "I'll get the bandages. Kuwabara?"

Kuwabara: "Why do I always have to carry his unconscious ass?"

Kurama: "Because you were built for hard labor."

Kuwabara: "What was that?"

Kurama: "The glory of teamwork, I said."

**Kuwabara vs Bad Guy**

Bad Guy: "I am a lower-level demon, probably a minion of the guy Urameshi's gonna fight in the next episode. Rawr."

Kuwabara: "You know, being a sidekick sucks."

Bad Guy: "Boo-yah."

Kuwabara: (attacks, probably a frontal assault with little tactical value and no strategy whatsoever)

Bad Guy: "See, I'm so terribly strong that you can't hurt me." (turns the attack back on Kuwabara)

Kuwabara: "And yet, I have noticed a fatal flaw in your fighting technique." (proceeds to use Bad Guy's power against him in a vaguely creative way, possibly involving some bizarre convolution of the spirit sword.)

**sidelines**

Yuusuke: "See? He gets his ass kicked, then discovers some way to beat the guy. You taught him how to be a passive-aggressive demon fighter."

Kurama: "Yuusuke, it's not passive-aggressive to learn and exploit your enemy's weakness."

Yuusuke: "Kurama, I saw your match with Karasu."

Kurama: "That was different."

Yuusuke: "Right."

**Kuwabara vs Super Bad Guy**

Super Bad Guy: "I am powerful and scary, probably possessed of some kind of emotional or mental problems, and I'm still a minion of the guy Urameshi's going to have to fight later in the storyline."

Kuwabara: "You suck, Urameshi."

Yuusuke: "Hey, I didn't make the rules. Main character gets the kickass villains. Suck it up."

Super Bad Guy: "I will now demonstrate just how inexperienced and powerless you really are." (proceeds to beat the holy hell out of Kuwabara)

Kuwabara: "Ah! But I have developed a new and highly improbable ability/superpower/fighting technique!" (whips out Dimensional Sword/Spirit Flyswatter/Ki Burst) "Ah ha!"

Super Bad Guy: "Curses!"

Yuusuke: "I still say you _like_ to get beat up. Training with Kurama for all those months was probably a bad idea."

Kuwabara: "Oh yeah? Come over here and say that!"

Yuusuke: "SEE? You want me to come beat your ass!"

Kuwabara: "I hate you."

Super Bad Guy: "Little do they know that I'm going to mysteriously return from the dead two episodes from now! Mwahahahaha!"

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c&c always appreciated! 


End file.
